Will You Write Yourself?

If the heaven was the eyelash that stole my wish

If it was the candle that I blew on days I lived,

Then I want to write my own goddamn History

In an abyss that reeks of an unending staircase,

I hand my sins to you, so you may decide my grave

I fall as I fly, unto the blue skies~

re-writing the tears that have forgotten how to be a poem.

-Nameera Anjum Khan

(An excerpt)

Life

Isn’t it strange how we don’t even notice the moon go down on her knees and the sun coming up with its golden stories that the birds chirp across trees and windows and balconies?

Isn’t it strange how some flowers bloom today and some wither away simply because it’s not their season?

Maybe this strangeness is what we call life but never really know how to define it.

-Nameera.

The skies are wilting leaves

Today it rains like petals falling from above

Flowers of heaven shed their eternity

The earth laughs in cyclones and hailstorms

When she claps her hands forests are laid ablaze

The fire slowly subsides when the windows are shut

And doors forget what it was like to be laid bare, naked, open

There are flowers growing inside our minds

Our bones are nature’s kiss

And this flesh is a long lost wish,

Drowning in the reality that comes with it.

Nameera.

Music Helps

I remained adamant to not acknowledge the fact that I was depressed, none of my so called ‘friends’ could catch a hint either. They ignored me & so did I.

Alright so coming down to the purpose behind this post, I want to share music that became my only friend at a time when I was just beginning to understand the dark side of emotions.

Black Veil Brides : Fallen Angels.
You can say that I was obsessed with BVB because I found solace in heavy metal rather than the morbid silence inside me. This song is very, very special to me.

Marina & the Diamonds : I am not a Robot.
Though I wasn’t a fan of pop music but this one song stuck with me for a long time simply because of the lyrics.

The Beatles : Black Bird.
Beautiful lyrics, simple yet powerful, this song was without a doubt my absolute favorite!

Miley Cyrus : When I look at you.
As magical as it sounds, the lyrics moved me in ways no other song could.

Pierce The Veil : Hell Above Me.
I was obsessed with this song for a really long time. I still listen to it at times.

Black Veil Brides : In The End.
Another one by BVB that dealt with the topic of death. I could listen to it on repeat for hours on end.

Imagine Dragons : Demons.
This song really moved me in ways I couldn’t comprehend back then. When I listen to it now, it simply makes me nostalgic but I’d never want to go back to that time. Ever.

There were countless other songs but these were on top of my list.

Thanks for reading!

Shapely Shadows

I fiddled with them for quite some time. But something was wrong with the key hole. The keys just don’t seem to get along with it tonight.

I dragged my feet to the bathroom, exhausted after the days work. The leftover pizza from last night was my only dinner. Leftover, the word stayed with me for more than a minute.

I grabbed the remote & flipped through channels on the tv. Gulping down coke devoid of gas made my taste buds loathe the liquid I forced myself to consume. Isn’t that what we do to ourselves as years go by? We are deliberately stuck in a life we never chose.

A movie airing on tv brought back memories. “Watch it” she said, “If you want to”, with glistening eyes that were telling me to watch her favorite movie, not asking.

With nostalgia written all over my face I was reminded of the halcyon days.

The phone buzzed on the table while I stared at it listlessly. I saw her name appear as it buzzed endlessly. Every little thing weighed me down tonight, drops of water in the kitchen sink clashing against the cold hard metallic basin, lights on the mute tv screen but most of all it was the buzzing phone.

She must have stopped calling after myriad of calls like she always did, I told myself as I woke up at half past 12. I switched off the tv & checked my phone. There was only one missed call at 9, when I might have fallen asleep. I felt stupid for believing that she cares.

No one does. I stared at the shapely shadows dancing on the ceiling as I lay on the couch. My whole life flashed in front of me, all chapters at once. Then my mind jumped to the future. I see myself excelling at the job I love. The picture of a perfect family with two kids living in the suburbs warms my heart. But perfect is just a word. What if the future is happening right now?
We collect pieces of souls & give some as we break apart. Our time, soul & heart is never truly ours. All we have is this life.
This life, I said aloud as the ceiling turned red. The shadows seemed to welcome me in their realm. You belong with us, their voices echoed in my head. They hovered around like a black veil where no light can shine through.

You belong with us, my fingers caressed the cold, hard metal I could free myself with. My salvation.

I can hear it buzz now, do it. It’s too late, do it


“Hey, call me when you get this. Look, I know we’ve our differences but let’s talk it out”, she left a message after the beep.

Sunshine poured in through the window lighting up the room like never before. The morning had devoured all shadows with the dawn of a new day. But the shapely shadows will rise again every night, as hope fades into the darkness. As long as there’s light, you’re safe. But it doesn’t last forever.

The mint green couch was painted with a dark red hue. It looked extravagant in the sun light. He lay with a hole in his head which was very small compared to the black hole he had been harbouring inside his soul all this time.

The drops of water in the kitchen had seized, the tv didn’t light up anymore, and she finally left a message for him. Nothing weighed him down anymore.

It Came

It came like a soft breeze through the window, pushing past the purple curtain. Caressing my back it traced my flesh in a way that drowned me in melancholy.

It came as a melody so deep. Imbibing in me an incongruous longing for the past.

It came like palpitations as blood dripped from my wrists filling the air around me with dreadful silence.

It came every night,
And crept in my head.
When I tried to fight,
It stuck to my flesh.

The cold breeze,
Felt like your fingers.
When I was at ease,
And life was simpler.

It was a song,
Stuck in my mind.
Each lyric made me long,
For a life past time.

It came through words,
It came in poems.
Between pages of books,
I devoured to escape.

It found me thinking,
About only you.
Nostalgia came,
Through words
Lines
Quotes
Songs
Lyrics
And the cold
Breeze.

It came,
Unabashed
Breaking my
Walls.

-Nameera.

If Tears Could Think

She had been trying to hide me all day long.

Her eyes are fixed on the ceiling. To an outsider it may seem as though she’s listlessly staring at the wall but I know what she’s really looking at. All the memories are played by her mind and she relives it all; the joy and the sorrow.
She is watching him walk out on her and her mother for the billionth time. The memory evokes longing for a father she never saw. She bites her lip to keep me from getting out.

Hang in there, she’s telling herself over and over again. Her hands are tightened in fists as I tickle the back of her eyes. “No” she whispers under her heavy breath.

In a distance the screeching sound of the breaks of a car are heard. The leaves rustle against her window sill as the soft breeze caresses them. The dark night resonates her mind but I hope she can see the faint flicker of stars at night and begin to live again.

She holds her breath, she knows I’m making my way out.
She forces me to stay one last time but gives in eventually. She closes her eyes and lets out a deep sigh. As I trickle down her cheek I hear her thoughts, Why am I so weak?
Trickling softly down her flesh I wish I could tell her how strong she really is. It takes courage to let me go. As I bid farewell silently, I pray that she will remember me someday when she’s happy.

Cry,please,
Free those tears.
The pain will ease,
Melting your fears.

Remember them again,
When happiness blooms.
This isn’t the end,
You’ll know it soon.

-Nameera.