Suffocate

Traditions suffocate,
When I grow old I will bury my family tree
In a land so deep that it never out-grows another Dreamer,
That it never stirs another riot inside a heart

Sometimes you understand too much,
The flower of which blooms into expectations-
Tonight I'll celebrate my Dreams
And bathe in the blood rushing through my temples;
I'll mouth the words that make me a sinner
I'll shake these graves with my ribs

There is a poem that spits on my last name
But I'm a spider knitting my own web,
So my spit is just another beginning to a Dream-
Condemned by this godforsaken family.

__________________________________________

A big, classic ‘FUCK YOU’ to obligations and traditions just because the people around you are FAMILY.

I’ve never really let the concept of family seep into my head. However, my parents keep nagging me to acknowledge these people. I mean, I don’t mind it BUT when it comes to my comfort level, anxiety issues and social skills, I’m a big disappointment according to them, who is always busy on her phone. I KNOW for a fact that I’ve changed and honestly speaking, I’ve my own days and some times, I’m not in the right set of mind to strike up conversations or participate in them. I don’t even want to be left alone for a whole day but I would appreciate a couple peaceful hours to myself.

Why are half the concepts about families forced on a person for petty reasons like: you share the same blood or for something as silly as, they’re your family?

Why do I’ve to fucking put my anxiety problems aside just for people who barely remember the day I was born? Or have issues with how I colour my hair?

My family is toxic and there’s selective toxicity hurled at me because of various reasons. One of them being, that I dream with the intent of making them my reality. I believe in actions more than words, religion or holy anecdotes. I believe in life and what I make of it, more than what came before me.

My family is only my parents and I really wish they’d respect my choices too. Or at least give me the required time to be myself rather than having me fake shit instead of enjoying the moment like they want me to but, here’s the catch: you can’t expect your children to enjoy the moment according to your rules, let them breathe first.

-Nameera Anjum Khan

Night Creatures

All the night Creatures crawled up to my desk ~ & I wondered…

What Creature am I in their language? The one with the touch of Death or the God with untimely sunlight ~ as bright as a snowfall in the raging summers?

They keep coming back, I don’t think they’ve a name for me.

Sometimes, a shadow looks like my Father hiding behind the door,

At other times, it metamorphoses into an old hag that laughs at me while I read the ‘Articles’ of the ‘Constitution’ aloud…

& Even the night Creatures laugh – at a nameless horror; but I only defined ‘Democracy’, I only swallowed a slice of cake and brushed aside this noisy mosquito.

It was the only one pricking at my skin instead of laughing – when I (defi)n(ed)

D – E – M – O – C – R – A – C – Y.

– Nameera Anjum Khan

Barren

She’s the desert he left,
For greener pastures.
Losely tied weft threads,
Dismantled their stature.

Winsome eyes once bore,
A dream now distorted.
They saw a family of four,
But her fertility retorted.

Society labelled her ‘barren’,
Restricting her existence.
With falling tears she is laden,
Asking God for repentance.

Her shreiks reverberate,
As She yearns for a baby.
His utmost hatred sedates,
The mind of a useless lady.

Her precious heart,
Is never their concern.
For not playing her part,
She will always be shunned.

-Nameera.


If a woman is childless, does she become unworthy? If she doesn’t have the ability to give life, is it permissible for the society to torment her mentally?

What will you do if your daughter, sister or wife is barren? Would you rather let her drown in guilt for a cause that was never her fault or stand by her side?

If the purpose of a woman was to only give birth & ensure continuous survival of mankind, then they would be no more than a baby-making factory.

Colors

All the colors she’s living,
Black, tangerine & pink.
Is his majestic giving,
For as long as he lives.

Once death meets man,
She’s stripped of her hues.
Bangles taken off her hand,
She sings the lonely muse.

Pushing her into the fire,
They send her away to him.
Colorful bangles she admired,
Now pierce her naive skin.

With wrists covered in blood,
The fire wraps around her.
The death of a man she loved,
Becomes her ultimate curse.

-Nameera.


The practice of Sati was quite common in India till the British invasion.

Even though it was initially tolerated under the colonial rule, protesters like William Carey(Chritian missionaries) & Mohan Roy(Hindu Brahmin) led to a ban on this immoral practice where a woman, on the death of her husband would commit suicide by burning herself, whether she wanted to or not.

The red sindoor on her forehead and in the parting of her hair, one of the signs of marriage, is wiped clean. In some cases, all her jewellery is removed and her glass bangles are smashed. Other traditions, that are thankfully becoming less common, include shaving the widow’s head and giving her a ritual bath, after which she may be forbidden from wearing colourful sarees. She will only be allowed to wear white or pale colours.

_The Quint

Even though all or most of these practices are illegal now yet it’s not uncommon to hear about the prevalence of such rituals in rural areas.

Apparently with the death of a husband a woman loses all rights to live a colorful life.

-Nameera.

A Joke

When did jokes become,
An inherent hub of racism?

Why do inane gender roles,
Have to play a part in jokes?

About equality you preach,
Yet your joy lies in racist memes.

His eyes are so narrow, you see,
He surely has to be Chinese.

An accent so very deep,
Must be an Indian, I believe.

Their crimes have been perceived,
Because slavery led to thievery.

Communities are on the brink,
Of destroying their binding link.

But one crucial link surviving,
Is the reason you’re still laughing.

Don’t you feel a fiery hole,
Burn in the middle of your soul?

Are these words really funny,
Aren’t they a bane to humility?

This poem may not be perfect but the issue for which it has been written will forever be a great concern. How often do we come across jokes targeting a certain section of society, color, race & gender?

We all need something to laugh about to destress. But does it have to come at the cost of racism, sexism & colorism?

Hypocrisy & stereotypes are two most disgusting loopholes in our society that people turn into jokes & laugh about.

It’s not funny to degrade someone because of who they are. Stop laughing at these so called ‘Jokes’ before you end up becoming one.

-Nameera.

Damsels in Distress of Social Media.

I don’t understand why some teens only stick to love & heart break poetry, particularly Indian teens at my school. It’s common to find so many wannabe poets setting up Instagram pages to only write on these two topics. It gets mundane after few posts & even cringe-worthy. This doesn’t imply to all new poets out there but it does to a few of them, as far as I’ve noticed.

Poetry, in its most basic sense, is a means of self-expression which is lost somewhere along the lines of these clichèd topics. Why not write about self-growth, nature, etcetera?

On a more positive note I’ve seen people explore once they’ve established a page. They learn gradually.

On the other hand what undermines a good prose/poetry is its grammar. Why not focus on honing your grammatical skills first?

Some people use big, fancy words that seem to have come straight out of the dictionary. Their only motive is to add some salt to their writing but it still ends up bland, why? Well, the trick to improving your writing style is to keep it simple. There are no restrictions on using fancy words but make sure they meet their purpose.

Look up the meaning of the word you’re about to use & its examples. Try to incorporate it in your daily vocabulary. Don’t just sprinkle them on a prose, try blending it in.

To give life to your writing you need to really understand the word yourself before simply looking up its meaning in the dictionary & using it abundantly. Is the word an adjective or a noun? How do you use them in a sentence? Figure these questions out before making mistakes & posting them online.

There used to be some sort of English club at my school. I can’t even remember the name or what it exactly was. Anyway so it comprised of writers of my school. The one who started it was a prolific writer at my school. She was a straight-A student, always perfect. But what lacked perfection was her writing. Her poems were really good, as far as I’ve heard and she did win a lot of prizes for them too, so it must really be something. But when she began posting her stuff online, I was shocked. I had high expectations but after reading her work, I could observe nothing but grammatical errors(Minor but noticeable), love/heartbreak poetry & improperly constructed sentences.

Writing can be your only outlet, I agree. But make sure it defines you, not love, hearbreaks & sadness only.

Keep it simple & efficient.

Happy writing!

India VS Pakistan

I think Indians are way better than Pakistani’s considering the fact that we’re all so diverse & straightforward. All our neighbors care about is hurling insults at us. They can’t help but put the blame on India no matter what the situation be. They’re racist to the core. I’m pretty sure the points I mentioned above should suffice to prove my Nationalistic Pride.

Don’t you agree with me too? No? That is great. But if you do, please keep reading.

Growing up in a country other than India or Pakistan gives you enough exposure into various cultures & ways of life. I’ve met some of my family members who left India for Pakistan during the partition decades ago, in this foreign land.

Being an Indian, what comes to your mind on hearing about Pakistan? To tell you the truth the first thing on my mind is my childhood friend who is Pakistani. We literally grew up together. People would often mistake us for sisters. We studied in the same school till 5th grade. We often had little fights as children over India & Pakistan, both of us trying to prove our country’s better. As we grew older we would discuss at length about our cultures & similarities.

I remember going to my cousins place. They are from Lahore, Pakistan. My uncle would get quite racist at times. While all women would talk about clothes & fashion I would sit on a chair in the living room listening to men talk about politics. The fact that my uncle completely ignored was that we were Indian yet he would go on incessantly insulting India. My dad never said a lot during these conversations. He did speak when my uncle wouldn’t stop. But he was always polite.

Some of my Indian friends fathers support the Pakistani cricket team because they’re Muslim. It makes me laugh every time my friends vent out their angst against their fathers at school.

I think cricket is one game where people should support their own countries. It is abnormal to support some other team based on their religion.

Besides sports there should be no place for segregation of this kind. It makes me sick to see people with such mindsets.

One of my Pakistani uncle even said once that why was Pakistan made. At that time we simply laughed. But later I realised it was wrong. No country is perfect & neither are its citizens. Statements like these shouldn’t be uttered. It’s wrong to say such things about ones own country.

I understand that India & Pakistan were separated from each other. Putting blame on one another is useless at this point. Who is better than who, kon kiska baap hai? Notions such as these are of no help.

True nationalistic pride lies in firstly, respecting your own motherland and secondly, giving the same respect to other nations as well.

I was also shocked when one Pakistani, on realising we were Muslim said, “Oh, you’re Indian Muslim?”. I suppose that reaction was out of ignorance but still it was quite unexpected.

I’m an Indian Muslim and a proud one. I don’t hate Hindus. My Pakistani friends have had misconceptions about Hindus but I always tell them that they’re people too, just like you & me. A mere difference between religion doesn’t make them or us monsters.

At the end of the day, there are good people & bad all around the globe. You can choose who you want to be. It’s not religion or nationality that influences their nature, it’s their thinking & how they see other human beings that makes them good/bad.


All the incidents mentioned above have actually happened. I’ve seen people with different viewpoints which I respect because they’re free to speak their mind. However, so am I. The only purpose behind this post is to depict how we’re not really that different. At the end of the day we’re just people, bones & flesh on either side of the border.

An Addition to my Art Supplies

Here it’s, finally completed!
This artwork, as is evident, is inspired by Rajasthan. The photograph also features my really old Rajasthani jewellery I used to wear as a child in fancy dress competitions & stage plays.

So, this is a post specifically about my true love, painting! I recently bought ‘Winsor & Newton’ water color set & to tell you the truth, it’s a blessing in disguise. The colors are just so vibrant & beautiful. Looking at them I could only think about Rajasthani culture which has vibrant colors imbibed deep within its roots.

When I was 8 I bought a water color set of a local brand to teach myself painting.

As you can see, it was time for my old pal to retire! 😀

Here’s what my latest addition to art supplies looks like :

Thanks for reading!

The Golden Swing

She was very young when her mother left her. Her father was a very busy man, after all the job of being a Nawaab essentially involved many things from taking care of myriad of wives that come with their own set of children. Administration work kept him away as well.

So, as the tradition goes she was put in the care of trustworthy nannies who did each & everything for her. She grew up playing with the children of her caretakers, her only friends. The outside world was never her concern hence wisdom dawned upon her after a long, long time.

Every time the Nawaab visited his beloved daughter, he’d bring her gold coins. As years went by her collection grew. One day her friends gave her a ground-breaking idea, “Nanni, why don’t we plant a gold tree in the garden?” the idea appealed to the young girl. Now, every time her father brought her gold coins she & her friends would bury it in the ground hoping for a golden plant to sprout from within the soil.

Years went by but the plant never grew. Yet the coins went missing.

Her sky blue eyes gleam as she talks about her special swing, the seat of which was made of pure gold. Our eyes open wide with wonder as we picture the golden swing in our heads. Though somewhere in the back of my mind I had a doubt regarding her honesty but those eyes told me otherwise & I felt obliged to believe in my grandmother.

She literally had a golden childhood.

The Liebster Award!

It’s an honour to finally get nominated for this award, many thanks to Fariha of thoughtfulhues for nominating me! Make sure to check out her amazing, thoughtful blog. I’m sure it’ll be worth your time.

The Liebster Award is an award given by bloggers to other bloggers who they think need encouragement and recognition. It was started by The Global Aussie in 2011.

The rules for the 2018 Award are as below :
• Thank the person who nominated you
• Display the award on your post
• Write a small post about what makes you passionate about blogging
• Provide 10 random facts about yourself
• Answer the questions given to you
• Nominate 5-11 other blogs for this award
• Ask them creative and unique questions of your own
• List the rules and inform your nominees of the award.

My passion for blogging:

Without a doubt what all bloggers have in common is a flair for writing. Hence, words are what fuel my passion for blogging. Besides this I also love coming across like-minded people who share my views. WordPress is a bliss for someone like me.

10 Random Facts About Me:

  1. My hometown is near Jaipur, called Tonk in Rajasthan. My great, great, great grandfather was a Pathan from Afghanistan, Amir Khan & he used to help Rajputs fight against British. Later on the British gave him the title of Nawab & the princely state of Tonk where he finally settled.
  2. I like gothic fiction a lot. The first book I read was ‘Dracula’ by Bram Stoker that remains one of my favorites till date.
  3. My hobbies include painting, writing, watching movies & reading.
  4. As much as I like being an extrovert, I’m never petrified at the thought of being alone.
  5. I’m an only child but I’m not a spoilt brat & I don’t spend my parents fortune recklessly as the stereotypes go.
  6. I love exploring old buildings, castles. One such place is my aunt’s place, she lives in one part of the castle which is equally divided amongst the many children of the Nawaab (He had more wives than he needed).
  7. Even though I can socialize well my friends know nothing about my personal life. I’m a very private person.
  8. I struggle with expressing emotions which makes people think I’m cold.
  9. I can be unforgiving & ruin your self-esteem without feeling even an ounce of guilt. But it takes a lot to infuriate me.
  10. I love spending time in a library or a stationary more than anything else.

Fariha’s Questions :

1. What is your fondest memory?

One of the many that I can remember at the moment is making short films with my dad. Even though they were extremely unprofessional 😁but I always had a great time making them! I played a magician once, inspired by Harry Potter😂

2. Team Coffee or Tea & Why?

Team ‘Cold’ Coffee to be more specific because I don’t like tea.

3. What is the most courageous thing that you have ever done?

For me it has been accepting the fact that I don’t have to stop respecting myself just because I’m different.

4. What’s your guilty pleasure?

My guilty pleasure is debating. I’ve made my friends cry over silly debates just to prove my point. I can get aggressive but it’s never personal.

5. What’s the biggest challenge about blogging for you?

So far I’m doing just fine but I guess in the near future I might lack motivation to go on. I can’t remain hooked onto one thing.

6. What three items would you take to a desert island?

Water, survival kit & a magic lamp to get back whenever I want to.

7. Would you rather watch a movie or read the book ?

I’d rather watch a movie. If the genre is something that appeals to me then I will read the book.

8. What is the one battle you struggle with daily?

Getting out of my bed.

9. How do you aspire to be a better you?

I want to stay focused on my goals, believe in God & always respect my parents.

10. What is your favourite family tradition ?

I think it has to be Eid celebration because it brings the whole family together from every corner of India & abroad.

Here are my nominees:

Bharath Upendra

The fault in our brains

doses of ever-i-thing

The Realist

notthetumblrgirl

EST : 2013

Fawad Hassan K

This is it for now, I might nominate more bloggers later.

These are my questions for you :

  1. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
  2. What does your name mean?
  3. What are the top 5 songs on your playlist?
  4. How far can you go to prove yourself right?
  5. What would be the title of the book about your life?
  6. What was the easiest life-lesson you learnt?
  7. What makes you apprehensive?
  8. How would you define yourself?
  9. Who is your favorite author?
  10. What is more important, emotions or logic?

Thanks for reading!