Suffocate

Traditions suffocate,
When I grow old I will bury my family tree
In a land so deep that it never out-grows another Dreamer,
That it never stirs another riot inside a heart

Sometimes you understand too much,
The flower of which blooms into expectations-
Tonight I'll celebrate my Dreams
And bathe in the blood rushing through my temples;
I'll mouth the words that make me a sinner
I'll shake these graves with my ribs

There is a poem that spits on my last name
But I'm a spider knitting my own web,
So my spit is just another beginning to a Dream-
Condemned by this godforsaken family.

__________________________________________

A big, classic ‘FUCK YOU’ to obligations and traditions just because the people around you are FAMILY.

I’ve never really let the concept of family seep into my head. However, my parents keep nagging me to acknowledge these people. I mean, I don’t mind it BUT when it comes to my comfort level, anxiety issues and social skills, I’m a big disappointment according to them, who is always busy on her phone. I KNOW for a fact that I’ve changed and honestly speaking, I’ve my own days and some times, I’m not in the right set of mind to strike up conversations or participate in them. I don’t even want to be left alone for a whole day but I would appreciate a couple peaceful hours to myself.

Why are half the concepts about families forced on a person for petty reasons like: you share the same blood or for something as silly as, they’re your family?

Why do I’ve to fucking put my anxiety problems aside just for people who barely remember the day I was born? Or have issues with how I colour my hair?

My family is toxic and there’s selective toxicity hurled at me because of various reasons. One of them being, that I dream with the intent of making them my reality. I believe in actions more than words, religion or holy anecdotes. I believe in life and what I make of it, more than what came before me.

My family is only my parents and I really wish they’d respect my choices too. Or at least give me the required time to be myself rather than having me fake shit instead of enjoying the moment like they want me to but, here’s the catch: you can’t expect your children to enjoy the moment according to your rules, let them breathe first.

-Nameera Anjum Khan

5 Comments

  1. Poetry that comes from a personal affliction always has that vitality towards it and it shows in this rebellious poem.

    ‘Tonight I’ll celebrate my Dreams
    And bathe in the blood rushing through my temples;
    I’ll mouth the words that make me a sinner
    I’ll shake these graves with my ribs ‘ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. From the national anxieties of the public to the social responsibilities of the meet and greet to the decade conjugating kin, it’s hard to find a moment in time when you want one to yourself. Sometimes my family reunions feel more like first day of schools because sometimes I really think they don’t know when I was born. It is suffocating being surrounded by family you feel is strangers especially when you feel pressured by the parents because it’s what’s supposed to be done, I forgot where to pick up my lines for this play!!! I know how you feel but writing is the perfect escape.🌹

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha yes!! I have been living those exact words that you’ve written, it couldn’t have been more relatable. I mean, I love catching up with my family and socializing too but I really break-down under pressure. It’s crazy! But also understandable. I think that with each passing generation, the whole concept of large families is slowly converging into smaller ones, particularly just the immediate blood relations. I suppose my parents just want me to make the most of it because I for one, have realised that people are increasingly becoming more straightforward and no one would tolerate toxicity just for the sake of ‘family’. No one would think twice before breaking off all ties.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Very true lovely, well said…seems we have a common ground to stand on. And it does seem that the concept of immediate large family dwindles while the in-law family increases and that’s where the feeling of strangers among family comes in. It’s almost like a show nowadays and to keep my sanity, I do require a moment of peace just so I can remember who I am let alone who the people coming to see me are.😬. Parents mean well because it’s more of a tie and it’s all about impressions, to us, it is that straightforward thinking because you’re right….in today’s society vacations is more important than relations.

        Like

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